Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
