Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
