when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
