i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize