Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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