he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
