im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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