I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
