I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
