Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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