you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
