About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
