you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
