the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
