She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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