First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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