im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
