he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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