Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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