Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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