You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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