Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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