she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
