Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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