Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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