I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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