I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
