i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I could make wine with my vomit
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
