Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
