WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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