It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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