your parents love me but you hate me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
