Can i not drive my cunt home
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
