My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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