Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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