so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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