Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
