i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
