I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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