i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
