You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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