Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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