my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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