I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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