Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
