just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
