Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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