Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
