And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
