three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
