I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
