the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
In America we eat man semen.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
