im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
