Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
