Can Purell be used as lube?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
