so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
