My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
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