he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So many bounce houses so little time
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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