Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
