My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
