We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
