So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
