My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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