um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
