ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
