You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
