I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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