I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
