Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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