Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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