I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize