We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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