He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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